Out Of Your Vulnerability
Even as I write this for my new blog I have pangs of doubt and fear. Will it be all I want it to be? Will it help others and touch lives in the way I want it to?
I’m not a writer, but I’m learning. I know nothing about how to write a blog post on WordPress, but I’m learning. I don’t know how to upload photo’s and dress it up to look pretty , but I’m learning.
Starting this blog and putting myself out there is a big leap for me. But as I have aged I’m trying to live with intention, self awareness and compassion, taking all my life experiences and manifesting the life I feel compelled to live. Living with intention to me means I connect, grow, add value, help others and inspire on a daily basis. Through my attempts to develop in awareness I have found that silence is the greatest tool for me to find that place within myself to take action. But this silence can also bring up fears and other paralyzing emotions. Not by mere coincidence I’m sure , one word kept coming to the forefront for me, “vulnerability”.
Vulnerability speaks to me on a very deep level . On one hand, I know and believe that vulnerability allows people to genuinely connect. On the other hand, it leaves you open, standing face to face with your fears. Vulnerability is about connection, wanting and needing connection. Connection is “why we’re here, our purpose and the meaning our lives hold, to feel connected.”
Vulnerability can create anxiety, it can bring up great feelings of shame and fear. The shame of disconnection, from who or what we want and love, is the fear. The feeling of “I’m not good, smart , skinny or beautiful enough” are the underpinning feelings of excruciating vulnerability.
One of the better coping skills of working through the pain for me, has been to immerse myself in searching for “who I really am, the authentic self that is “ME”. Spiritual practices that allowed me to cry, laugh, question and still all the while keep learning new things about myself and how I relate to the world around me. Giving myself permission to change and expand my beliefs and thoughts as needed.
I was recently listening to a TED talk by Brene’ Brown, and in her humorous, self deprecating authentic way, explained that in all her research into vulnerability , that people’s thoughts on vulnerability boiled down to one of two thought processes. They either felt a strong sense of worthiness or they struggled with worthiness throughout their life and much of their happiness, success and joy was tied to this one feeling and the power it had over one’s life.
At one time or another we all fear we are not worthy of connection. How we handle those feelings comes down to how “worthy” we feel about everything in our life. People who felt worthy were “whole – hearted people”, meaning they live life open, free from expectations.
- They live with courage, meaning they live from the “heart”.
- They allow themselves to be imperfect.
- They live with compassion, for themselves and others.
- They have connections with others.
They fully embrace vulnerability, they feel what makes them vulnerable makes them beautiful, it’s necessary for them in their lives. They aren’t afraid to be the first to say “I love you or I’m sorry.” They invest in a relationship not knowing if it will work out or not. They live life knowing they will survive and thrive.
” Why do we struggle with vulnerability so much?” For me, the struggle comes from my childhood and many challenges I brought with me along this path. Having lost my father at the age of 15 left me with feelings of helplessness at times, but it also gave me the strength to believe in myself and know that there was a “higher power” at work helping me survive, showing me the way and guiding my life in ways that I didn’t understand at the time. Have you ever sat and pondered about your feelings of vulnerability? It can be scary and exciting at the same time. In those times of facing the feeling of vulnerability I also found that vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging and love.
Our first instinct with vulnerability is to numb it, but we cannot selectively numb our emotions, if we numb vulnerability we also numb happiness, compassion, love and all that makes life beautifully imperfect.
I would love to hear about your feelings on vulnerability , feel free to connect with me at firstname.lastname@example.org or comment below. Please share this post with your friends.
Written by : Alice Wilcox
May 22, 2016